Connection with other human beings is one of the most basic needs we have as human beings. There’s probably a reason for this. If we use the same “islands” metaphor as the English poet and cleric, John Donne, it becomes easier to understand why this would be. In his Meditation XVII, he said “No man [or woman] is an island entire of itself; every man [and woman] is a piece of the continent, a part of the main…”

Think about the Hawai’ian Islands. They are simply the tops of volcanos that have risen from the seabed, and they continue to rise. But they all arise from the same place – the floor of the sea. They are all connected with their bases all in the same place.

So are we. We are all human, no matter what our color of skin, hair, eyes, no matter what our education, our skills or abilities or gifts, our financial or social status. We all need connection, whether it’s with just a few other people, or a larger community.

Why, then, do we fear moving toward connection? Rejection? Being judged for who we are, what we do, what we say? Being trapped in a friendship or relationship we can’t get out of? Being by-passed, outgrown and left behind by people we love, like, or admire?

Of course we may be rejected by some, yet if we keep reaching out, we’re bound to find others who are willing to connect with us. Being judged by others is almost a given and no matter what, we will be judged by someone at some time. Being trapped emotionally is something we do to ourselves and we can learn to break free. Being by-passed or outgrown is also something we can re-evaluate and change in our own lives.

Most importantly, how do we connect with ourselves, so that we become the kind of person others want to connect with? What skills do we need to practice every day so that we get good at them? What kind of person do we want to be in order to make solid, useful, long-lasting connections with others?

Here are a few ideas of what we can practice for ourselves, that we can give ourselves on a daily basis – compassion, acceptance, patience, gentle honesty, personal responsibility, awareness, willingness to grow, confidence in who we are and what we can do, among others – that will help us be the kind of person who connects well. Practicing these skills will help us give these same gifts to others.

Photo by: Clint Adair / Unsplash